I haven't written about my journey, because it's been in a word...SLOW! I don't want this to be a venting post, but there may be parts that are precisely that. I don't want to pay for a therapist, so sorry readers, you're it! :-)
Life is hectic...and, wonderful, rewarding, a blessing, all that mushy stuff, but really it's freaking hectic! I have barely enough time to shower, let alone get by flabby butt to the gym. I have resorted to planning out EVERYTHING! I thought I was a planner before, but I was merely a poser. These days, I plan our meals for the week (and go to the grocery store at the beginning of the week and just get what we need FOR THAT WEEK), my gym visits (which are few and far between), my laundry, and our general schedules (haircuts, snack days for school, extracurriculars, etc). And, to make it even more complicated, I do this around my hubby's insane work schedule that varies from week to week. Let me attempt to lay this out for you in a hypothetical two week period.
Week One - Hubby works night shift (M, T, W) - 6:30 pm - 6:30 am - So, I can go to the gym on Monday morning, Thursday afternoon and Friday morning. I'll typically make fresh meals on four nights and we'll eat leftovers two nights and eat out or order pizza once. For the laundry, I do Max's laundry on Mondays, Emma on Tuesdays, Avery Wednesdays and ours whenever I can get to it! :-)
Week Two - Hubby works Day shift (M, T, W) - 6:30 am - 6:30 pm - So, I can work out Thursday and Friday, and the weekend if the spirit moves me (yes, I could probably go to the gym on M, T, W night after 7, but I am not a fan of working out right before going to bed, and let's face it, the kids need baths and snacks and all the other stuff that comes with a bedtime routine, it's just not practical). Insert 4 fresh meals, leftovers, laundry...yada, yada, yada.
And, the schedule varies from there...one week he'll work training, which is 7 am - 3 pm (T-F), then night shift (TH-Sun), then day shift (TH-Sun). It's crazy! We've been doing this dance for 11 years now and I have had my fill. There is talk of him going to a regular schedule sometime this year, which would mean 6:30 - 2:30 M-F (insert bright light and a choir singing) and I PRAY for it every night. It would help us all in so many areas, one big one being our moods. Lately, we have been at each other for everything...finances, kids, my photography and blogging (as in, I am spending too much time and money and not getting enough in return). It's wearing us both down. And, to be honest, I remember us being this way the first year or so of Max and Emma's lives, too. Throwing a baby into the mix just makes us more on edge and "snappy" at each other.
I think we both know that we will get through this hurdle, but it doesn't make it any easier when you are living it day to day.
We try to take time for ourselves. For instance, we just spent the weekend at the beach with two of our closest friends and had a really great time. But then we were thrust back into reality on Sunday with two wild and crazy kids and a baby that is smack in the middle of teething. Believe me, I am so grateful for the time we had to unwind, but I almost think it amplified our reality when we returned. You know what I mean?
I really hope that I don't come off as being ungrateful, because I am so blessed for what I have. And, most of the time, I am fully content with my life...but, there are those small moments when I wish elements of it were different. I am not happy at all with my body, now 8 months post-pregnancy, and I do think that has so much to do with my mood. Just can't seem to bounce back. I have been drinking green smoothies for the last month and I do feel great (I can tell a difference when I don't drink one), but it hasn't helped in weight LOSS. I need to lose at least 15 lbs to feel like myself again. And sporadic gym visits just isn't going to do that for me. I am no good at dieting, and to be honest, once I would stop the diet, I would go right back to where I was, so I would rather take longer and eat right and exercise.
I am still doing this Warrior Dash in less than a month...I am hoping the excitement of the day will push me through it. It does look like a lot of fun, but I ran around our neighborhood the other day and thought I might die...I am still sore from it. Running on pavement is extremely different than running on a treadmill. I don't feel ready for the Dash, but damn it, I'm doing it!
So, to sum it up...I am blessed with a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a roof over my head and much more. We have just hit some bumps in the road. We will get through this, I know that. But, it's a hard road to navigate. Truthfully, I am hoping to look back at this post in a few months time and think, look how far I have come...
Wishing you all a relaxing day...:-)